Kimmiya Dorsey – Do The Right Thing!


“Do The Right Thing”

My Facebook Friend Experience
Did she really post that?

December 2012, I decided to get back to the gym. I picked up a little winter weight and finally felt like I needed to do something about it. I take different aerobics classes but this particular night I decided to mix it up and take a Zumba class that I love. I was so excited about taking the class again that when I got home I posted on Facebook, “I took a Zumba class tonight that kicked my butt!”  A couple of people clicked “like” on my post and a couple of people commented. Renee, one of my good childhood friends that I speak with regularly posted a comment. We went back and forth, laughing and joking like we always do. 

The very next day another friend/acquaintance named Amy who is a former co-worker of mine decided to comment as well and she said verbatim “I am just happy that you decided to go back to the gym because you are getting kind of fat.”  I scrolled the page up some more because surely there was a smiley face, a j/k or an “I’m only joking” somewhere, but there was none. There was just a period after her statement. I was taken aback, caught off guard, humiliated and extremely mad!  Although I know Amy, I don’t see her regularly, nor do I know her well enough for us to play in this manner. I didn’t know what to think or how to respond. I tried to contact a mutual friend of ours named Steven who has a better relationship with Amy than I do. I wanted to run this situation by him, but of course I could not reach him. 

I kept asking myself, why on earth would someone post something like that on such a public forum? I would never do that to ANYONE!  My head was spinning. I just couldn’t rationally process it in my mind. I only thought for a split second that maybe she was playing, but because there was no follow-up message or some sort of indication that she was only teasing, I took it VERY personal. I went back to the original post to re-read what she wrote. I became angry and responded to Amy by divulging some extremely personal information about her.  I then warned her not to get on my page and speak to me that way again! The moment I hit the send button, I knew in my heart and mind that I was wrong. I knew what I had just done was totally out of line and completely out of character for me.

I could have and should have sent a personal note asking Amy what the problem was, but my normal and rational sense was non-existent.  Amy had exposed me without even realizing it. Not only did she mention to all of Facebook that I had put on a little weight, but my insecurities became unhinged. I basically confirmed what she said to me had struck a nerve by angrily retaliating. That joy and satisfaction I was supposed to feel after “telling her off” became feelings of embarrassment and shame for how I handled the situation. What I publicly shared about Amy was personal information that I had “heard”, not factual information that I knew for sure. This was second hand information that I purposely used to hurt her. I felt terrible and the conviction set in. This matter had spun out of control and although one might think it was all Amy’s fault, it really was mine. 
As I was preparing to leave work for the day, Amy sent me a private message on Facebook that to this day I still have not read. Don’t judge me. I knew she was trying to explain that she was only kidding. I knew this without even reading her note. That night I was feeling uneasy about the situation so I went by my parent’s house to see them and get some sound advice. As I was explaining the details to them, my poor father fell asleep and my mother listened intently. She agreed I was wrong and needed to make it right. She encouraged me to read the private note first and then reach out to Amy immediately. I went home and tried to open up the message but I couldn’t bring myself to read anything that was going to upset me or hurt my feelings even more. I was stressed about this issue and the guilt I was feeling was like heavy armor. I was really disappointed in myself and I just didn’t know how to fix it.

Steven finally called me back. He couldn’t believe what Amy had said to me, but he was sure that she was only playing. He assured me that all would be well if I just reached out to her, apologize and explain to her how I was feeling. Steven thought that I should know that Amy is employed at a store in the same mall my company is in. God, are you kidding me??  Steven implored me to make it right soon before I ran into her. Weeks went by and I was still dragging my feet on this issue. My mother had been asking me daily if I had contacted Amy and each time I would regretfully tell her no. This load was getting heavier and I was only making it worse by not doing what I was supposed to do. In my mind I just didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to approach the situation and I was feeling like Facebook is what got me into this mess. I didn’t want to send Amy a long winded message. I felt like it was impersonal and I really wanted her to receive what I was saying and forgive me.

December 24, 2012, I was heading into work.  It was the day before Christmas and the day before I got ready to go on vacation until the New Year. I had gotten a ride to work that day and it was early enough to stop and get myself a cup of coffee. I grab my coffee and make my way through the mall. I was almost a month removed from this situation so the burden was not as heavy. On this particular morning around 8:40 am there was hardly anyone in the mall. As I continued to make my way to my office I noticed a small, petite woman at the ATM machine. When she finished her transaction and turned around, to my surprise it was Amy! We made complete eye contact. I was not expecting to see her that morning or at all for that matter. It was such an unbelievable moment because there was not another person in ear or eyesight except for us. She was completely surprised to see me too and the look on her face was evident.

Without hesitation and without skipping a beat I walked right over and stood in front of her. She didn’t move or shun me away, but she was guarded. I immediately said “Amy, I owe you an apology. What I said to you on Facebook was totally wrong and inappropriate. I have been feeling a little sensitive about my weight lately and your comment caught me off guard and hurt my feelings. Still, I behaved poorly and I sincerely apologize to you”. Her eyes instantly welled up and she said “I really appreciate you saying that to me, I really do. This has made my day. I was being sarcastic on Facebook and would never say anything to hurt you”. My own eyes were watery because I knew what I had done was wrong, but was hopeful that my apology would give her some peace. She hugged me and we embraced and I felt the need to reiterate my apology again a little more detailed because I wanted her to know how very sorry I was. Not only did she accept my apology but she suggested that we get together for dinner soon since we work so close and catch up. We have yet to do that but I look forward to when we do. 

This was a divine moment that was drawn up like a basketball play, coached by the Lord. I knew instantly that only He could have orchestrated that very moment. It was so perfect! No one else in that section of the mall, on Christmas Eve except for me and Amy? I gathered from this how amazing God really is and how when we don’t do what is right, He will sometimes create a situation to almost force us to do the right thing. I still had a choice as to whether or not I was going to walk away from Amy or walk toward her. God gives us options, but there was just no way that I could ignore her so I chose to seize the moment. I suspect in this life I will make more mistakes but this experience will be a personal reminder for me to not drag my feet on matters, especially when the Lord is asking me to do what is right.

Kimmiya Dorsey

0 thoughts on “Kimmiya Dorsey – Do The Right Thing!

  1. Beautiful Story Kimmie. I respect your courage, your honesty, and humility to fix what you feel was an error to another. We learn in Judaism that G-d will always forgive us if we ask but when we "sin" or hurt one of his children it is are responsibility to ask that other person to forgive us. Good for you for doing the right thing. As an added note I think your a beautiful ,gorgeous, women of G-d and we come in all sizes. Your beautiful !! Not only do you have outer Beauty and you look great your real beauty shines through from your soul. Both you and Ty are great examples of what true beautiful daughter of the King of the world represents. All the best, your friend and soul sis Hadassah Havivah

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