Is this the Face of Disobedience?
In 2008 I had a dream. In the dream, a man said, “You are called to teach the word of God”. In another dream, a man said, “You are called to prophetic ministry”. I’m pretty sure that man was God. Shortly after, I began to have a series of “being in school dreams” which meant I needed to be educated in the areas I was being called to. For the last five years, I’ve been on this amazing and difficult journey of studying the bible and understanding my place in the prophetic. For those who may not know, prophetic ministry is when a person is called to be a mouth piece for God. My area of the prophetic is in dreams and visions but it also includes bible teaching and intercessory prayer. In 2012 God was nudging me to test the waters. For a long time I vacillated between yes, no, for fear of what people would think? Finally, I created this blog which is a culmination of what I was called to do and a step in the right direction, I hope!
At a very young age, singing and writing were the first gifts I discovered. I passionately pursued a gospel singing career in my late teens and twenties. When I got married I decided to put the music career on hold to focus on building a family. I used to think singing was my ONLY purpose in life until I had those dreams. Is singing still my passion? It sure is. I still write songs and sing when asked to, but it’s been several years since I’ve considered pursuing a singing career, until recently. This is when I discovered SOMEONE was not pleased with a decision i’d made.
A few months ago, the world was inundated with everything Beyonce. The National Anthem, the Oprah interview, the Super bowl, and her much-anticipated documentary. I watched all of them lol!! Illuminati speculations aside, I surprisingly enjoyed her documentary because of her transparency and her passion for music. I was drawn to the creative side of her because I am creative as well. Beyonce’s focus and drive absolutely inspired me. After watching the documentary all I could think about was doing my music again. I quickly sprung into action looking for photographers to take some current photos. I was considering learning how to play chords on the piano so I could sing my own songs. I became consumed with how to market myself and finding gigs to showcase my talent. This went on for about a month with no progress and no call backs. I was frustrated and annoyed. I wasn’t writing, I wasn’t studying, I was just stuck. Then I had this dream:
“I had a dark skinned face. I was looking in the mirror. My features looked different. My hands and body were still brown but my face had a dark complexion. I told God I would accept it if that is what he wanted. I wasn’t upset or angry; I just wasn’t used to this. I knew I wouldn’t stay this way for long”.
This dream did not sit well with me. I became very sad and cried a lot. I asked God to give me clarity on this dream. I needed to understand the meaning, and quickly. In my heart, I felt God was not happy with me but I had no idea what I did. One night I was watching John Paul Jackson on YouTube. He is a modern day prophet who is gifted in the area of dreams and visions. He was sharing his story on how he avoided the prophetic call on his life for a long time because his passion was to be a successful business man. He talked about knowing God’s voice, heeding to his call and doing God’s will. Boom! There was my answer! I honestly felt my “dark face” dream was about me following my personal desires and not the will of God for this particular season in my life. That same night, I came across an article called The Obedient Heart on John Paul Jackson’s website. This passage from the article completely sums up my dream:
“If we refuse to do what God wants, evil begins to show its face in our lives. This is a case of simple cause and effect. The closer we are to God, the more we look like Him. The further we are from God, the less we look like Him and the more at home we are with darkness”.
Is that powerful or what? I know it seems so extreme, but it got my attention! I was moving in disobedience all because I felt the urge to start this music career again when God didn’t tell me to. My mind shifted from teaching, writing, and studying to singing, playing the piano and taking pictures lol! I had to repent and ask God to forgive me for doing what I wanted to do. Does this mean I will never be able to do anything musically? No, God would not give me gifts that I’m not able to use. This is not the time or the season for me to run after that desire.
I share this experience to encourage someone to stay on course. If God has given you an assignment or has called you to do a certain thing, do it! Stick with it! Many times the assignment God calls us to starts out exciting and purposeful. Once the excitement wears off and the results don’t seem to be the same, we begin entertaining other opportunities and that’s when we get into trouble. Doing the opposite of what God has called you to do, no matter how great you think it will impact the kingdom of God, is considered disobedience. God will always communicate with you when you are moving off course. It’s up to you to hear it, receive it and hopefully respond with an obedient heart. Show God you love him by obeying him and trust that the plans he has for you are greater than what you could ever imagine or think.
“Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them” – John 14:21.